Bryan Singer joins Kevin Spacey and the rest of sleazy Hollywoods usual suspects

The film director has been fired from his current Queen biopic, but as with all the other cases of harassment, bullying and toxic manlines, what took Tinseltown so long?

Round up the usual supposes, the public wept, as Hollywood promised to cleanse all the sex harassers, bullies and general examples of toxic masculinity out of its wardrobe. This turned out to be even easier than it clanged because all we needed to do, it transpired, was to round up the actual Usual Suspects, as in the starring and head of The Usual Suspects, Kevin Spacey and Bryan Singer. Chazz Palminteri, I suppose even you could have solved this one without smashing your coffee cup, given that Gabriel Byrne lately revealed that the production processes The Usual Suspects was briefly shut down because of” inappropriate sexual action by Spacey “. The Usual Suspects, incidentally, was built in 1994, signifying it took- gets out calculator- 23 years before Spacey was finally called out on his widely known behaviour. Remind me again, guys, how unjust life is for white boys these days?

Anyway, if there was one person in Hollywood who was the subject of more rumors over the past decade than Spacey, that person is Singer. The late and increasingly lamented Gawker, which declined large and largely ignored hints about a lot of the male celebrities now being revealed as sex pond scum, went after Singer with a vengeance in its day, accusing him of has become a predator and worse. Amy Berg’s 2014 documentary, An Open Secret, about child sex abuse in the film industry, alleged that Singer attended parties held by Marc Collins-Rector, known for hurling hedonistic parties where underaged boys were in attendance. Collins-Rector afterwards pled guilty to transporting minors across nation paths for the aim of sex, but the various types lawsuits filed over the years against Singer alleging child sex mistreat were all rejected. So report from the situate of the beleaguered Queen biopic( Queen as in Freddie Mercury , not Elizabeth Windsor, for the record) that Singer had thrown what was described as” an object “ at ace Rami Malek sounded, quite frankly, like a comparatively wholesome misdemeanour allegedly committed by the director. Although, to be fair, we don’t actually know what the object is. Suggests on a postcard and then thrown in a septic tank, thanks.

Bryan Singer with Kevin Spacey in the mid-1 990 s. Photograph: The LIFE Picture Collection/ Getty Images

The official story is that Singer was fired from the Queen biopic on Monday for” unexplained absences “. Singer has retorted that the problem was that Fox refused to give him time off to care for” a sick parent “. A third person- a very cynical person, one whose cynicism has built up around her personage like a disguise to protect her from the endless tales of toxic male garbage flamings emerging from every industry in the world- might counter that chucking Singer is rather convenient for Fox, bearing in mind the fact that having a humankind on your payroll about whom there have been rumor for literal decades is not such a great look for a company right now.

Whatever the truth, Singer is out and will now have as much period as he wants to care for his sick mother and … Dexter Fletcher is in. That’s right, Spike from Press Gang is now guiding the Queen biopic. I think we all seemed a twinge of sadness that Freddie Mercury is no longer around so we can’t actually learn his facial expression upon hearing that news.

Perhaps you’re thinking:” Whether it’s Dexter Fletcher or Steven Spielberg”- and I’m pretty sure those were the two options for the Queen movie before Fox opted for the former-” swapping directors midway through make doesn’t bode well for this film”, and you would be right. But rest assured that this film has always sounded thrillingly bad. Last-place time, Sacha Baron Cohen appeared on The Howard Stern Show after he declined out of the movie( do keep up here) to say that, actually, he should have fell out a lot sooner. After the first fulfill, in fact, when a member of Queen told him that Freddie dies in the middle of the movie.” So I said:’ Wait a minute. What happens in the second largest half of the movie ?’ And he said:’ Well, we see how the band carries on from strength to strength ,'” Baron Cohen echoed. Let us all take a five-minute pause and savour that sentence again, and then let’s please, again, that Freddie were still with us so we could see his speech at hearing THAT particular quote.” Brian May ,” Baron Cohen concluded,” is an amazing musician, but he’s not a great movie producer .”

Rami Malek Freddie Mercury in the Queen biopic. Photo: Nick Delany/ Twentieth Century Fox

So, really, the fact that one ever clearly unsuitable director has been swapped for Dexter Fletcher is pretty much the least of this movie’s problems.

But let’s get back to Singer, because replacing Fletcher for him creates an interesting prospect. Perhaps all American luminaries accused of sexual predation could simply be swapped for unthreatening British versions thereof: bring on Ant and Dec for Matt Lauer, Hugh Dennis for Spacey, Andrew Castle for Garrison Keillor, et cetera and so on. Consider of it as being like when they remade The Office with attractive Americans, but in reverse.

Or, hey, here’s another idea! How about if only wives get the big top tasks for the next, let’s say, 1,000 days? This is for the protection of employers, really. After all , no lady has been accused of seeming up subordinates in theaters, or raping people in hotel rooms, or hurling objects at performers on define. Think of all the money, time and fus companies would save by not having to deal with endless rape and harassment charges! And to all the men out there already furiously emailing me to insist that it’s sexist to rule out an entire gender for powerful employment opportunities, I say: welcome to being a woman in Hollywood for the past hundred years, bitches. Only be grateful Harvey Weinstein isn’t also literally trying to screw you while his industry simultaneously bolt you out of jobs.

So, in conclusion, another likely nasty human has been sacked in Hollywood. Formerly, this would have been big-hearted news. As it is, we are only call it Monday now.

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