The Types Of Guys Your Friends Will Try To Set You Up With On Ship Betches

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Navigating the world of online dating is difficult for me, because there is an essential vetting process involved( so you don’t finish up going out to alcohols with a serial killer–or worse, someone who works in investment ), and yet, I genuinely suck at vetting. The reason being, I have a type when it comes to humankinds, and that type is flaming heaps of garbage masquerading as humans. In college, I tended to date preppy frat people whose thought of proving me a good time involved letting me sub in for their roommates during a brew pong game. Ah, romance! Suffice it to say, I could really use some help in the date department, and there’s no one who wants to get their hands on my love life more than your best friend. For the last seven years, these people have insured me get ghosted, is participating in long-term Snapchat relationships with dudes I’ve matched with, and only generally date the real-life equivalent of Dean on Bachelor in Paradise . So I’m willing to give the girls who have verified me ugly cry into a vat of ranch plunge a chance at playing matchmaker.

Enter: Ship, Betches’ new dating app which lets your friends find equals for you. It doesn’t content if they’re single, married, dating, or feigning their bird-dog counts as a significant other( seeming right at you, Heather !), they all can help equal you tf up. Reckon if that occurrence of Friends where Rachel Green said “You know what? I just shouldn’t be allowed to make decisions anymore” was your dating actuality. Now stop seeing it, because it’s real, and it’s called Ship.

So let your friends do the Lord’s work, because these are the types of the people they’ll are an attempt fixed you up with on Ship.

The Business Bro

This is a guy who has an actual career, and I don’t mean as a full-time promoter of his own podcast. I mean he has a solid 9-5 occupation and can actually afford to cover your tab at the bar. As I mentioned earlier, I tend to fall for guys who are losers works in progress. And while money isn’t everything in such relationships, it surely f* cking helps if you’re not having to foot the bill( and their cocaine question) each time you go out. I’ll acknowledge I’m a little frightened by guys who seem to have their sh* t together, because what if they actually treat me right ?? And, like, expect me not to keep them at an emotional arm’s-length away ?? How will I stand funny ?? Yeah, that’s terrifying. That said, your friends will definitely are an attempt push you toward a guy like this because, like that third shot of tequila they shoved down your throat last Friday night, they know what’s good for you even if it’s a little difficult to swallow.

The One Who Has A Dog

Guys with bird-dogs have a 98% success rates with me, because I just assume that if they have a dog then they’re decent human beings. This isn’t always the case. Sometimes, the guys who post dog pics in their date app bios are just f* ckboys obscuring behind a really cute puppy, or worse yet, manipulative AF, because they just stole their friend’s dog for a sec and extended it off as their own. This is the world we live in, ladies! Luckily, this is why you have good friends who can see beyond the golden retriever puppy, to the guy holding said puppy, and see if he should actually be allowed to breathe the same air as you. Instead of only “settling for the guy who has a dog”( hi ), they’ll set you up with “the guy who has a dog AND a 401( k ). ” And then they’ll tell you, for the 100 th occasion, what a 401( k) is.

The Guy Who’s Not “Your Type”

This is usually these kinds of guy my friends will try and specified me up with, because as I mentioned earlier, my sort is trash. Maybe this means they defined me up with someone who actually seems emotionally available or who isn’t, like, actively dating someone else. Wow. That’s wild. I feel like a lot of times, I’m turned off by one attribute in a guy’s profile, like if he says he’s really into the outdoors, or if he wears too much flannel and seems like a hipster, because that’s not* generally* what I go for. But this is why I desire my friends! They never hesitate to hurl me off the proverbial cliff and into the arms of a person who might actually been wonderful, despite the fact that he mentioned he throws pineapple on his pizza.

The Guy With A Sick Apartment

Much to my mother’s consternation, I prefer to save my money and rent a room that’s about as legally close as I can get to a trap house without the DEA being called, rather than spend more than half my paycheck on what you may call an “adult apartment.” Patently, this signifies I have to be deep into a relationship to invite a person back to my home. So during the early stages of dating, I need to find a guy whose apartment is more suitable to spend time in than mine( not a high bar, but still ). With Ship, my friends be allowed to suss out eligible bachelors with the following four: a balcony, a dishwasher, a washer/ dryer in-unit, or even the Holy Grail of New York apartments…a doorway mortal. In other words, my friends will find what’s best for me, even if I don’t want the best for myself.

The One Who Respects Women

Whether it’s a guy holding a child daughter who he has to specify in his profile is his niece, or a cute posed photo with his mom, the committee is ways to tell by looking at his profile if a person might be down for the induce( and the cause to which I am referring is feminism ). Someone with strong female forces in his life is probably more likely to tolerate my daily weekly rant about the patriarchy and march alongside me at the next Women’s March.( That’s not a scientific study or anything, only my anecdotal suffer .) Nonetheless, whereas I might encounter a profile picture of a guy and a super hot girlfriend and immediately swipe left because I feel threatened and maybe lied to, my friends might have the prudence to be like” Wait. Are you sure that’s not his sister? ” And then there is an opportunity have me message him to ask if it’s his sister. That’s what friends are for, am I right? And to think of all the awake baes I’ve let slip through the fissures, just because I’m judgmental!

So if you, like me, are willing to let Jesus your friends take the wheel on your dating life, download Ship and let them start matching for you. You’ll likely be agreeably surprised with the different types of guys they’re able to find.

Images: Giphy( 3 )

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