Celebrities are like, so relatable, what with their vacations and skin care procedures and day-to-day 9-5 undertakings. They entirely live in the real world, except when it comes to wedlock. Candidly, can you think of any family or friends that have gotten hitched and within a few months or less, have called it quits? How about three months? A year? Maybe you are able to think of like, a few, but hopefully it’s not everyone you are familiar. Quickie marriages in Hollywood, nonetheless, are pretty standard, and they’re much more common than you’d believe. For instance, who knew Eddie Murphy was on the index of shortest celebrity wedlocks? Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, of course, are included, but who could forget the 100 or so day marriage of American royalty Kid Rock and Pam Anderson? There are so many brief celebrity wedlocks we don’t know about, and so many humorous reasons for these unions lasted about as long as my interest in a narrative that doesn’t involve me personally.
While this list isn’t all-inclusive of all the shortest celebrity matrimonies( that I am categorizing as ones that intention after less than 130 days ), it highlights some of our favorite morons and their stupid decisions that enables us phase, titter, and judge.
Britney Spears and Jason Alexander: 55 hours
— HappilyEverBorrowed (@ Happilyborrowed) March 27, 2014
Lest we forget, Britney had quite the fiasco in Vegas after marrying and, less than 3 days later, divorcing some dude with the same epithet as the guy who plays George on Seinfeld . It would have been SIGNIFICANTLY funnier if she had actually married that Jason Alexander, if you ask me.
Aside from Zsa Zsa Gabor and Count Felipe de Alba, two old school Hollywood weirdoes who were married for one full period, Britney hit us( one more time…sorry) with the shortest celebrity marriage of all time. Congrats, Brit. We knew you were good for something. Back in 2004, Britney and her childhood pal Jason were partying in Vegas when they decided matrimony voiced like a GREAT hypothesi( clearly Britney never watched Friends, or she would have known this was a dreadful thought ). But, after only 55 hours and a metric sh* tload of media coverage, the opening ceremony was promptly voided, leaving Brit to marry one Kevin Federline, dancer extraordinaire and human sponge.
Nicolas Cage and Erika Koike: 4 days
— Nexter.org (@ Nexter_org) April 6, 2019
Nicolas Cage gives me darknes terrors, and apparently leaves his divorce solicitors screaming and in violence blackouts, too. Just a couple of weeks ago, Cage get himself into the listing of shortest celebrity marriages thanks to a four period fiasco with Erika Koike, a makeup artist he’d been dating since April 2018.
My favorite one of the purposes of this whole thing isn’t the quickie wed in Vegas on March 23 of this year, or the journey to get it annulled four weeks later. No , no–it’s that the couple were caught arguing on camera when they went to apply for their wedlock license simply one week before. According to People ,” Cage is heard saying,’ I’m not doing it’ to Koike as she answers,’ I never asked you to .’ They received their marriage credential the same day, courtroom records indicate .” Nic also made the roll back in 2002, when he divorced Lisa Marie Presley after merely 107 days of marriage.
Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman: 9 days
1998 called and wants its odd celebrities back. For those of you born in the late’ 90 s and 2000 s, Carmen Electra was our Kim Kardashian, and Dennis Rodman was our Post Malone, but for basketball. You may know him now from his very strange relation with one Kim Jong Un, also known as that person trying to blow up America with nukes from North koreans. Are we all following? Grool. Electra and Rodman terminated up together in Vegas on November 14, 1998, and right around 7am, decided to say ” I do .” Apparently, Rodman had enough time to sober up in the nine periods that followed, claimed he was ” heavily intoxicated” when he wed Electra, and filed for divorce. Awww, you guys, that’s so sad.
Cher and Gregg Allman: 9 Days
All right, so this is probably before the majority of members of our time, but Cher, Native American goddess and reigning queen of gay humankinds everywhere, enjoyed a v quick bridal to none other than Allman Brothers front man, Gregg Allman. Cher had previously been married to Sonny Bono, with whom she’d had a pretty cute( watch: extremely’ 70 s) television appearance. She’d likewise officially divorced him merely three days before shacking up with Allman. That’s moving reasonably tight, even in Hollywood.
The two got married in Vegas but, just nine days later, Cher realized that Allman had a pretty serious substance abuse difficulty( in Hollywood? GASP) and filed for divorce. The two pointed up reconciling, re-marrying, then divorcing again, because everything has to come full circle, you guys.
Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds: 14 days
Shrek’s Donkey is just as much of a jackass IRL as he is in our favorite kids movies! Edmonds, who, according to Wikipedia, hasn’t made a cinema since 2011, marriage Murphy in a private beach formality in 2004 in Bora Bora. Despite the magical island marriage topic, and what I presume were millions of dollars in champagne and blooms, the nuptials get off to a bumpy start. According to a source for People publication, Murphy started screaming at Edmonds in front of guests, making for a moderately awkward sparkler exit and limo go back to the hotel.
Apparently, because the wedding was in a foreign country, it wasn’t legally binding. The couple had planned to have a legal ceremony in the U.S. afterward, but seeing as things were already going south, they called it all off.
Ali Landry and Mario Lopez: 18 days
Drew Barrymore and Jeremy Thomas: 39 days
Drew Barrymore, favorite muse of Broad City ‘ s Abbi, stimulates the roster for her 1994 marriage to L.A. bartender Jeremy Thomas. If you’re doing the math in your manager, then yes, I can confrm that Drew was 19 when she made that selection. Mild yikes. Apparently, it wasn’t a great alternative, and she filed for divorce less than 2 months later. Drew also had a quickie marriage to none other than MTV’ 90 s darling, Tom Green, which lasted a grand total of 163 days–which is practically a lifetime, I reckon, with Tom f* cking Green.
Kim K and Kris Humphries: 72 days
Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock: 122 days
What do you get when you combine a trailer trash boob job with a person who screams BAWIDABA and campaigns for Trump? A white-hot junk triathlon? NOPE! A wed between our fav OG Baywatch cast member, Pam Anderson, and upsettingly long-haired manchild, Kid Rock. I like to imagine that this wedding hosted a lot of burlap, mason jars, Confederate pennants, screaming eagle decor, and camo. God bless America. All kidding aside, though, these two got hitched on a yacht in 2006, which clangs classy, but, I assure you, it was not in this case–as evidenced by the tiny white-hot bikini and sailor hat instead of traditional bridal garb.
So, why the split between these two? Apparently, there was a fight via phone call which involved Kid Rock( whose real epithet is Robert Ritchie) not coming to visit Anderson while she was shooting a movie in Vancouver. Why? Because he had storey seats at a Lakers game, plainly. She screamed at him, claimed she had a stillbirth, and hung up the phone. Welp, that escalated quickly. Kid Rock, being the eloquent gentleman he is, quickly piloted to recognize his madam desire, simply to find her chugging champagne and dancing on tables. Things went downhill from there, and they separate soon after, giving us one of the shortest luminary marriages of all time–and also the trashiest.
Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney: 128 Periods
— Linda Childers (@ lindarchilders) July 31, 2017
Am I the only one who didn’t realize this was ever, EVER a thing? Huh. The more you are familiar. But I don’t feel too bad, because even Renee Zellweger forgot she was married to Kenny Chesney! Anyway, according to Insider ,” On September 15 2005, Zellweger filed newspapers quoting’ hoax’ as their reason for separation .” Apparently, claiming fraud had contributed to a lot of speculation about the country singer, mostly in the form of people considering he was gay. He afterward went on to deny the rumors, which, to be honest, aren’t really anyone’s damn business. But it’s safe to say that these two have moved on for the very best, even if we don’t know exactly what Zellweger was defrauded into…
So that’s the listing of shortest luminary wedlocks! Do you know anyone whose dumpster fire of trade union organizations can top these stories? Comment below!
Images: Getty Images( 5 ); Shutterstock( 2 ); lindarchilders, Nexter_org, Happilyborrowed/ Twitter
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